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By Jack Godbey

Columnist

I’ll admit that I have doubts about the new generation. It seems they are too busy being offended by everything under the sun to make any meaningful impact on the world. However, I’m sure the older folks weren’t too confident in my generation back in the 1980s. I remember begging my father for a ride into town so I could purchase the new Twisted Sister album. Once I got home and put the cassette in my floor model Sound Design stereo system, the look on his face was as if he had just eaten a lemon.

While I thought I was the epitome of cool back then, somewhere along the way, I lost touch with what’s cool and I seem to spend my time now being annoyed at the stupidity surrounding me. I try my best to roll with the flow but to no avail. There’s just too many annoying things around me. For example, I came home yesterday with an Amazon package on my porch that was at least the size of the kitchen sink. Having no idea what it could be, I ripped into it like a child on Christmas morning, only to find buried in a mile of bubble wrap a small nickel-sized battery I bought for my garage door opener.

I decided to drown my sorrows with root beer, so I headed off to the store to stock up. I decided to go through the self-checkout because, you know, anytime I can avoid dealing with a real person, I’m going to take it. I scanned my item but must have done something wrong as lights began to flash as if there were a prison break in progress. The writing on the screen said, “Unexpected item in the bagging area.” To be fair, I’ve never been trained to be a cashier. So, unless I’m on the payroll, don’t expect me to do it right. Very annoying.

A lot of things these days get on my last nerve. Nothing can be more embarrassing than sending a text message and having auto-correct screw you over. While I end up correcting auto-correct more than auto-correct corrects me, I have had more embarrassing encounters thanks to auto-correct than I can count. I remember a few years ago, I was meeting with a lady regarding carrying my books in the chain of bookstores that she owned. She sent me a text to confirm our meeting. I thought I texted back, “Looking forward to speaking with you.” However, auto-correct changed it to, “Looking forward to sleeping with you.” I mean, I wanted the books in her store, but not that much. That made for an awkward meeting.

Is there anything more annoying than Tupperware lids? I have hundreds of containers and lids, but none fit each other. Very annoying. I left my phone in my car the other day and I picked it up to make a call and it gave a message, “Phone is too hot to operate.” Well, I’m hot too, but I still go to work. I get annoyed when I must push 1 for English and then get an operator with an accent so thick I feel like I’m talking to Charo. Which number do I have to push for hillbilly?

I get annoyed when I think I’m going to sit down and watch my favorite television show and then have to sit for ten minutes while they play commercial after commercial about pharmaceutical pills and medicines. By now, I’ve got more training in these pills than my doctor. Sometimes, you just have to grin and bear it.