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By Jack Godbey

Columnist

I remember learning many lessons as a child. Some of them were easy, but most of them were learned the hard way.

For example, I learned that cats don’t like it when you pull on their ears, roosters don’t appreciate trying to be petted and when my mother told me that playing with matches will end up burning my fingers, she was telling the truth.

In fact, there have been many times that my parents tried to steer me in the right direction, but I insisted on doing things the hard way. I could always count on them to tell me the truth even if I wasn’t ready to hear it. However, the rest of the world is not always so honest.

As we go through our daily lives, it seems we are lied too everywhere we turn. For example, I turned on the TV recently only to find 200 channels of static. I checked all the wires and plugs as if I knew what I was looking for and finally ended up calling the cable company. I was greeted with a robot answering the phone and telling me that my call was important to them. My call would be answered in the order it was received. In other words, I would have to wait until they were good and ready to deal with me. If my call was actually important to them, I wouldn’t have been put on hold by a robot and forced to listen to Barry Manilow songs for the next 30 minutes.

While dealing with the cable company, I had worked up an appetite, so I went into the kitchen to whip up a ham sandwich. It was then that I came in contact with another big lie: the easy-open package. I pulled and twisted on the so called easy-open ham package and it wouldn’t budge. I finally gave up and went Rambo on it. I pulled a knife from the drawer and slit it wide open. I went to put the now destroyed package in a Ziploc bag and I learned the easy-close Ziploc was also a falsehood. Geez, all I wanted was a ham sandwich.

Sometimes we lie because it’s easier than accepting the truth. For example, I’ve been told my entire life that animals don’t have feelings. At least the ugly ones don’t. Sure, cute little kittens have feelings, but the ugly lobster, well let’s just throw them into boiling water while he is still alive. After all, they don’t have feelings, right?

Not only do we get lied to by others, but we also lie to ourselves. We watch Netflix and say, “Just one more episode”. The next thing we know, it’s 2 a.m. with remnants of popcorn and potato chips all over our shirt. I seem to lie to myself every time I go into the kitchen and say, “One more cookie won’t hurt nothing,” then try to justify eating the entire package like wood going into a chipper.

We wake up on Sunday morning and think we’re going to get so much stuff done today. Before you realize it, it’s 5 p.m. and you are still in your pajamas as you wake up from your nap.

While I like to think that I learn from my mistakes, that’s not always true. For some reason, I continually tell myself that there’s no reason to write down my grocery list. I will totally remember it when I get to the store. Then I find myself wandering around in the produce section trying to figure out what I wanted.

I have to go now. I have a lot to do. I’m going to end world hunger and bring peace to the world. Just as soon as I watch one more episode of “Wheel of Fortune.”